The Yoga I Do Now

Something happened.
I don't think I've talked about this before on my blog, just in my own journal.
For years, decades actually, I've been justifying to myself my lack of a rigorous Yoga sadhana. I've been saying, 'but I practice Karma yoga as much as I can', and 'I always have my Guru in mind', and I've been trying to convince myself that this was adequate. The main means I've used in this effort at justification is, of course, to pretend that I'm trying to convince others. To attempt to present myself as 'yes, I am a yogi too - different to your type of yoga, but a yogi nevertheless', and using this as an excuse to do nothing.
Only a few months ago I in fact posted on this very subject.
For some people, this may all be true. So if this is your path - to practice karma yoga and bhakti yoga, without also practicing the more, perhaps, tangible aspect of sadhana - what I'm about to say is not aimed at you. If that's your path, then that's absolutely great, I respect it, and I have no issue with what you choose to do.
But, for me, it was bullshit.
At the back of my mind, I always knew it was bullshit, but of course, that gets suppressed, and instead the justification mechanisms kick in.
This has been bubbling under since going to Munger and Rikhia, and sometime just before Christmas, the bubble burst, and I suddenly had a really strong urge to begin a proper regime of sadhana. It took me a while to decide what to do, and of course, Christmas is a bad time to begin anything.
So, on my first day back to work after New Year, I began on page 1 of 'A Systematic Course in the Ancient Techniques of Yoga and Kriya'.
This is a thick book from the Satyananda stable. It is, rightly, credited to Swami Satyananda, but was actually penned by Swami Nishchalananda (as was at least one other of the prominent Bihar books). It is basically an account of the contents of a course that Paramahamsa Satyananda-ji used to instruct some of the very early Swamis, including Swami Nishchalananda. This is my understanding. Please correct me if I am wrong.
It is made up of three 'books' - all bound in one volume - and each book is made up of twelve lessons. The idea is to practice each lesson for a month, thus making it a three year course. Each lesson in the book includes some theory, and the description of one or more of the following: shatkarmas, asanas, pranayama, relaxation, meditation, and, in the last book, the kriyas. Each lesson ends with three suggested daily practice routines. At the beginning, these are scheduled to last 60 minutes, 30 minutes and 15 minutes. The idea is to pick one that you can practice every day. So even if you can only spare 15 minutes a day, you can progress through the book.
I made the decision that I would attempt to practice the longer schedule. This is fine whilst it is one hour. Later on, I may need to review, as the longest routine by the end of the book requires three hours.
In order to fit the 60 minutes into my day, I have been rising at 5AM during the week, and 6AM at weekends. This gives me the time to do my ablutions, do the 60 minute routine, and still leave the house before 7AM - which I need to do to arrive at work in good time.
This I have been doing in conjunction with eating using the so-called 'Fast 5' routine. This is, basically, fast for 19 hours a day, and eat during the remaining 5 hours. So, I take my lunch at around 2PM, and try to get my dinner before 7PM. I do this 5 days a week, eating normally at weekend. By combining this with what I like to refer to as 'eating like a human', I have lost around 25 pounds since New Year.
By 'eating like a human', I basically mean not having the following typical weekday food intake:

• Breakfast: 2 ham and cheese croissants and 2 pain au chocolat, a flapjack, double espresso, half a litre of Pepsi Max (sugar free)
• Mid morning: Flapjack, double espresso, half a litre of Pepsi Max
• Lunch: two large, fat, sugar and salt laden pre-packaged sandwiches, flapjack and chocolate brownie, half a litre of Pepsi Max
• Mid afternoon: another brownie and a packet or two of crisps, double espresso, half a litre of Pepsi Max 
• Late afternoon: double espresso, half a litre of Pepsi Max, and perhaps another packet of crisps
• Snack on arriving home: because I "can't wait an hour for dinner" - e.g. peanut butter sandwich
• Evening meal: something relatively healthy cooked by either Poornamurti or myself, so I can pretend I actually eat quite well, and only weigh 23 stone because of some mysterious alien intervention
• One or two fancy chocolate truffles "as a little indulgence"

This interspersed with a few biscuits from the office 'handy biscuit stash', and a few more bottles of Pepsi Max.

Now, that's not eating like a human! That's eating like some kind of weird obsessive nutcase. Or maybe an American.

This has been replaced with:

• 2PM: Home made soup or dahl with one home made chapati and a tangerine or orange
• 3PM: An apple and another tangerine, sometimes a low fat yoghurt
• 6-7PM: Something really quite healthy cooked by myself or Poornamurti, one or two fancy chocolate truffles, or maybe a 'Shivananda cookie' as a little indulgence
• All of the Pepsi Max has been replaced by water sipped throughout the day

At weekends, this is preceded by a couple of toasted teacakes at breakfast time. I find it much more difficult to wait until 2PM to eat at weekend. I don't have the distraction of being tied to a computer, stuck in meetings etc., as when at work.

That's what I would describe as being closer to eating like a human!

The best thing about this is that it's not a 'diet' in the popular sense. The problem with 'diets' is that as soon as you start them, you have the idea that at some point, you will finish the diet, and start 'eating normally'. As you can see, returning to 'eating normally' for me would be an unmitigated disaster!

So, this is not a diet, this is how I intend to eat from now to eternity. There will not be a time when this diet ends. This is it, forever. And you know what? It's a darned relief. I'm sure you think you can imagine how utterly awful it makes you feel to eat like I was doing, but I would contest that unless you've done it, you probably can't. And the thing is, it's only now, ten weeks or so in, that I'm really starting to realise how truly awful I felt, all the time. And I can't tell you how good I'm starting to feel.

Eating like I am now, I'm loosing about 2 pounds per week. A little less on average, as the first couple of weeks I lost almost a stone. This happens because of being so far out of equilibrium at first. As I loose weight, the rate will gradually lessen, until I reach an equilibrium point for this amount of food, which I think will be somewhere around thirteen stone. This will take about two years.

The plan for the sadhana is to spend one month on each lesson of book 1. However, I am not practicing the crow walking, and the asanas I am practicing are not terribly good, in terms of final position. This is because of my physical shape. If you imagine trying to do, for example, saithalyasana or shashankasana with very large, solid ball strapped to your abdomen, you can imagine it would be difficult achieve a decent final posture, regardless of your flexibility: the ball simply gets in the way. That's where I am with my excess weight: it is a physical obstruction. Also, I am not practicing 'crow walking', as with my current weight and shape, it places far too much stress on my knees.

So, when I get to the end of book 1, I should, in theory, be almost another four stone lighter. I intend at that point to return to lesson 1, and spend one week on each lesson, attempting to get better final positions, and including the crow walking. This will take around three months. It will also mean, due to the crow walking, I wil be better prepared for the postures of shankaprakshalana, which is presented in lesson 13. It also means that lesson 13 will roughly coincide with the shankaprakshalana days at the London Satyananda Centre, in 2013 (assuming they keep to the same routine as the previous couple of years).

So, there you have it: a confession and a plan. And hopefully some motivation for people to realise that you really can rise at 5AM and get some really good quality practice time, as long as you are in bed for around 10PM. Once you get into the routine, it won't make you more tired, rather it will make you more energised, more alert, more calm, and more able to face the day!